Bohol

We departed Larena port on Siquijor Island on a ferry which took around 2 and a half hours and arrived in Tagbilaran City, the capital of Bohol Island mid afternoon. In hindsight, we should’ve linked up with fellow ferry folk and combined our van fare from the port to our accommodation as most people were going to the same destination – Panglao Island. We wrangled a small discount (c.$7) as we shared our van with another crew of randoms.

En route to our accom, we dropped our van mates off at Alona beach which looked hectic busy comparatively speaking, but thankfully we were a bit further north in the Dumaluan Beach region.

Once off the main drag, the road to our accom was a proper goat track that you couldn’t access with a vehicle, so we had to foot falcon for around 15 mins downhill, through a boat graveyard and along the beach before we arrived. The San Miguels were frosty cold and the hospitality was warm.

Key numbers

1776: number of chocolate hills
5: different flavours of icecream tried in about 15 minutes @ Bohol Bee Farm
10: $AUD – the most expensive double espresso Ive ever had….and it was fkn horrendous. Naming and shaming South Palms Resort for this one – robbery at its finest.

Hit list:

On board resort and restaurant. Gets a shout out in both the HL & Shit list for different reasons. Views were mint – beach access at the door. Hospo was also top notch, specifically at the bar. Fernando and Juanbal (One Ball) were great. Their mango smoothies were amazing (multiple consumed each morning). Also @ $30 AUD a night its hard to complain!!!
Countryside tour – we wrangled a private driver through Bohol Carn & Van Rental for 2500 pesos for the day (a bit over $80 AUD) which included 8 destinations. We were only really keen on two – the Chocolate Hills and Tarsier Sanctuary, but Stewart our driver was pretty casual/flexible on what we could/should see and do. Part of the tour was lunch (additional cost) on the floating restaurant on Loboc river, but we weren’t overly keen on this and he had a great alternative recommendation. He was all over it though and made sure we were picked up early and headed straight to the chocolate hills before the buses arrived.
Xootic aminal park. I fkn hate zoos and all they stand for, and this dingy concrete thing was no exception – but seeing Finns face in the butterfly enclosure was pretty cool. Likewise, there was an open space with a heap of massive Burmese pythons that were kind of free range that you could pat and pose for photos with. Finn (moreso me) were properly freaked out at the start as these things were massive, but by the end of the tour Finn was down to pat one. Me not so much.
Fox & Firefly Cottages. This was Stewart’s recommendation for lunch and it was A-Grade. Bichol Express was a winner and their mango smoothies were outstanding. If we were ever to return we’d love to stay here, as you could hire SUPs and Kayaks to explore the Loboc river, which was an amazing emerald green and hugged by coconut palms.
South Farm – A weird combination housing a farm and MMA gym. We went for the former and Finn frothed it. Included in the entry price was horse riding (Finns first time) and $10 AUD worth of vouchers – Finn bought a little turtle from the souvenir shop and named it Tinny. He also really enjoyed feeding the rabbits and guinea pigs, seeing a piglet, feeding the birds and throwing his chips in the fish farm. You were able to pay to do a catch and cook experience in the fish farm, but it was rather pricey.
Bohol Bee Farm. Spoiler alert…….there are no bees here and no farm either…..well they grow some herbs in a greenhouse but that’s it. Pre-COVID they DID have a bee farm, but the complexities that the pandemic threw up made them change their business model and now they specialise in accommodation (the view is mint) and ice cream made from coconut milk. Whilst here we tried Dragonfruit & Chocolate (Finn), Charcoal & Spicy Ginger (Cam) & Buko/coconut (Chantal). They were all outstanding. They also dabble in coconut wine – which is surprisingly better than I thought…..This joint is another place we would consider staying at if we were to ever return (Mindful that we would have to buy icecream after every meal though)
First church in Bohol. Built in around 1570, not long after Spanish colonisation this building not too far from the capital is built from bricks that are carved/made from coral.
Another cool thing was Finn wanting to skim rocks each morning, and this becoming part of our Bohol morning ritual

Shit List

Tarsier Sanctuary. Was cool to see the 2^nd smallest primate in the world, but it was very manufactured. These things are about the size of a mouse, and have eyes the size of dinner plates. They have little shelters made along a walking path so they are easy to spot, and their lived experience is a massive line of punters walking through the sanctuary all the day jamming iPhones in their tiny faces. A guide was taking phones and took the snap below – you can see that little mate isn’t overly a fan of the cameras!
On board accom – for all the good – especially the price and view, there were a few downsides. We stayed here for 5 nights and only had our room made up once. Given the proximity to the beach, and the fact that a lot of the footpaths are dirt/crusher dust – once u enter the room, dirt and sand easily find their way onto the tiled floor. With no dustpan or broom it quickly accumulates and sandy/dirty tiles aren’t fun for anyone. This might sound precious, but coupled with a mouldy pillow and sheets when we checked in with (What seemed like yogurt) stained sheets it wasn’t a great combo. Whilst the sheet situ was quickly rectified, and as much as the view was great, in addition to the aforementioned there were about 5 or 6 dogs that lingered around the accom and I reckon 1 or 2 of them were on heat……..so whilst we would often take in amazing vistas, they’d often be interrupted by some feral dogs rooting on the beach in front of us.